1976

What were we wearing back in 1976?

A wallaby is someone aspiring to be a kangaroo. Countryside is to kill Piers Morgan. Tomahawk – a vegetable of prey. Dipthong is washing undergarments. Lipsync – a lady’s intimate wash basin. As used by Piers Morgan. Placebo – a Spanish Tenor who does nothing for me. Rectitude is the angle at which a thermometer should be inserted.

Six is the first perfect number. Two is the first prime. One is the first square. Zero was invented by Arabs. Negative numbers were invented by the Indians. Archimedes made his students swear on pain of death not to admit to the presence of fractions.

Did you write the book of love? Who did you have faith in?

Last Tango in Paris. 1972? Brando? Something about butter? House buying? Um. A dance hall. Something like that. No one else knows about it. Just me. A private moment. I’m sure I’ve seen it. Some place. Didn’t we get that video out the shop one Saturday afternoon?

If that one dies on its arse we’ll do another one.

I proposed in a pub that year. I was so drunk I got up on one knee.

sounds of locusts sounds of locusts sounds of locusts  sounds of locusts  sounds of locusts sounds of locusts sounds of locusts

I went on all the school German trips even though I didn’t study German. I went on all the school RE trips even though I didn’t study RE. I went on all the school sports trips even though I didn’t play sports. I was the coach driver.

Panel buttons light up across from me. I am dying here. Drying. Limping along. This isn’t working.

Go back to your constituencies and prepare for oblivion.

Light smattering of laughter. Somewhere. Inside me. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

Mrs. Trellis, where are your damned letters now? Quickly, now.