Sheer Murder

I am in Dartmoor Prison for some crime that I can't remember committing. That doesn't bother me very much. I am really quite content here.

One day, the guard comes to my cell and tells me that I have a visitor. I expect to have to go down to the visiting room, but I am surprised to find my visitor allowed into my cell with me. It is my dog. He pads into the cell and sniffs the corners. Then he asks me if I want to leave and I say that I do.

He leads me out the cell, along the catwalk, down two flights of metal stairs and into a straight stone corridor. He takes us right past the Governor's office (who gives us a wave from his desk) and up to the main door. The guard is sceptical, but my dog tells him that I am up for early release. The guard reluctantly agrees and we are free. We walk across the street and get on a bus. My dog pays the fare.

We ride in silence.

We arrive home and I shower and change my clothes. We sit in front of the fire. I ask my dog why he decided to spring me from jail.

- Because you are completely useless, says the dog. - You'd never do it yourself. Useless.

- But you are my dog! I can do what I like! Who do you think you are? You can't talk to me like that. Who do you think you are, dog?

My dog raises his head and looks me straight in the eye. He doesn't move a muscle.

- Woof , says the Doberman. - Woof woof.